Aatm manthan..(आत्म मंथन )

Aap hi ho vo jisne sikhaya kya hai sahi.. aur kya hai galat, Aap hi ho vo jisne sudhari meri har buri aadat.. Aap ke aanchal ke chaav main hi maine seekhi is jeevan ki baarikiyan.. Har cheej ko parakhne ka hunar bhi aapne hi mujhko hai diya.. Aaj bhi mai kuch galat karu agar.. aap hi ho jo mujhko tokti.. Chahe mai kuch bhi bol du.. kabhi mujhko akela na chodti.. Har mushkil pal mai suljha deti ho.. koi mushkil bata ke toh dekho.. Kabhi narajgi, kabhi pyaar, dekhe hain roop aapke anekho.. Chahe jitna bhi gussa ho.. pyaar se aagosh mai lene se maan jana.. kabhi dost, kabhi guru, toh kabhi bachi si ban jana.. Kabhi toh mere kuch kehne se jhat se maan jana.. Toh kabhi kehna,"Haan Beta ab tu meri Maa ban jana!"...:P.. Humne seekha kaafi kuch hai aapse.. kya kya ye bata pana mumkin nahin.. hum toh nikal aaye chodh aapko.. par aap abhi bhi intezar karti ho vahin.. Mumkin hai kabhi is zindagi mai koi bhool kar jaun main kabhi.. Par meri us bhool ko sudharne ki pre

Why this always happens..??.. I ask myself often.. That I am all alone.. and my life has no charm, no fun.. I stand alone clueless, with so many people around me.. Who say they understand me.. but when I need them, they flee.. Though I try and try harder again, my life is so dull, so bore.. As if I am trying to fit in somewhere I am needed no more.. believing everyone.. when I just try to move on.. I feel so cheated that I cry from dusk till dawn.. I feel  so helpless, I feel so scared.. I know I am so dumb, that I even cared.. That how will they feel, If I did something.. the fact was.. to them I meant 'nothing'.. Are they not deserving.. are they not worthy for my tears.. are they not the one.. I cannot share with them my fears..? How can I understand, how can I feel everything, and then feel bad.. How can they be so cold, so numb, and hurt without feeling sad.. Something has gone extremely wrong.. but what??.. that only God knows.. why I am the one to